the bickering

the making messes in one room while I clean the other 

the attitude

the noise

the lack of alone time

the complaining

the 12 snacks per day

all of it. I was ready. 

And then this morning:

the confessions of nervousness

the excitement of a new year

the prayer over the school year

the recognition by my 8-year-old that this song was perfect for the first day of school

The "I'll miss yous" and "we had fun this summer" and "you've got this" and "You can be the greatest, you can be the best, you can be king kong bangin on your chest"

The look back, with a huge smile, and a wave

The letting them go.

The entrusting them into the Lord's hands as they face grades, and tiffs, and peer pressure, and fear, and learning, and growing, and making friends, and hand-holding, and free-spirited playing, and trying and failing, and losing and winning. 

I miss them. Day 1. I sit here in peace snuggling with Dax and I'm SO happy they are at school (!!!!) but I miss them. You get me?

This is motherhood. Mixed Feelings.

I love you girls! I love you on the hard days, the "I'm-so-lucky-I-get-to-hang-out-with-you-all-day" days, and each and every day in between. May the Lord be with you this year. May His face shine upon you.