When I Watch Her Play - Pretty Real

When I Watch Her Play

4:21 PM

When I pull up to Genevieve's school and watch her playing outside, something happens.  I can't explain it but there's something about her being outside of my care for so long (It's still new). And whatever it is, my mind and heart begin racing with both my wishes and my fears for her little life. And sometimes I have to fight back tears. When I watch her play,


I want to protect her. From bullies. From boys. From chauvinism. From feminism. From racism. From a broken heart. From a broken world.

I want her to be happy. And free. And unembarrassed. And unashamed. And silly. And innocent. And young.

I want her to see me. See how much I love her. How I'd give my life for hers. How I've sacrificed for her. For her health, for her happiness, for her education. How her smile lights up my world.

I want her to know Jesus. That He loves her even more.  That he formed her.  That he weaved her together in my womb. That she is special in His eyes. That He died for her.

I want her to be strong.  To get back up when she falls. To stand up for herself. To be brave. To be vulnerable. To win. To love.

I want her to learn.  From books. From life. From peers. From mistakes. From my mistakes. from heartbreak. From me. From her teachers. From her family.

I want her trust.  To trust herself, her gut, her instincts. To trust me and her daddy. To trust God, come what may.

I want so much. So much that might not come. Or might come slowly. That might hurt. That might scar.  That might give her life and love and happiness.

"Our hearts walking outside of our bodies." That's what some book said about motherhood. As I smirked. Not understanding.  Not quite grasping the magnitude of motherhood.  It hurts doesn't it?  It hurts so beautifully.

I love you Genevieve.

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3 comments

  1. “Making the decision to have a child - it is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body." One of my favorite quotes of all time, I say that all the time. And I agree, it is one of the best descriptions of motherhood, the most real, ever! Beautifully written my friend, and love and miss the completely incredible Miss Genevieve!

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    1. thanks you friend!! You've been on my mind lately. I love you. (and I love that you always have beautiful quotes on the tip of your tongue). xoxo!!

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  2. One day she will read this and it will be sweet and make her happy and then one day she will read it and she'll understand. Whatever the time it's beautiful that you wrote it and one day she'll read it.

    #beautifultotears

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