This is Me Thursday: God Spoke to My Heart. - Pretty Real

This is Me Thursday: God Spoke to My Heart.

2:57 PM

I am called to be a stay-at-home mom.  I know that.  I have peace in that.  And yet lately the refrain: "I don't have what it takes," and the thought: "I'm not cut out for this" has been plaguing me.  Well today, God spoke to my heart.  I was reading an article in the "Mercy Triumphs" Beth Moore study by her daughter--a super smart bible and theology genius (I think that's her official title) in which she discusses perfection, wholeness, and living a life true to our identity as children of God.  This section and scripture particularly struck me:

"How long will you go limping between two different opinions? If the Lord is God, follow Him; but if Baal, then follow him." I Kings 18:21

and

"A double minded person is halfhearted in his commitment to God; his loyalties are divided, making him unstable, incomplete, and vulnerable to weakness...

Why this quote and scripture?  Because I need to commit and stop wavering between two worlds.  I find myself dreaming of my days in the office.  Of our bank account when it had two incomes in it.  Of having time alone. Of coaching and counseling managers and employees; all the while feeling smart, useful, valued.  I find myself tacking on "I used to be in HR..." when someone asks me what I do.  I knew this would be hard for me.  Once the newness wore off and I didn't have an infant in my arms.  The day when I wasn't working just a few months ago. More like 2 years ago.  I still cringe when people say "It's easier to go to work..." even though I know they are trying to be encouraging. Simply put, It's time to let it go.

She goes on to talk about perfection:

"To live a life of perfection is not to make all A's or to never miss a Sunday at church; rather it is to live a life true to our identity as children of an utterly untemptable God who never changes, shows no partiality, and has no darkness in Him at all."

Wow.  In my current circumstance, I might say it like this:

"To live a life of perfection is not to make all A's, to have a spotless house or to have perfect children who always listen the first time; rather it is to live a life true to our identity as children of ...God..."

Part of my problem is that I want to be perfect.  Is it even possible to be as disorganized and scattered as I am and still be a perfectionist?  Oh and I also want my children to be perfect.  To listen the first time.  To not embarrass me at Target.  To not yell at their Sunday school teacher.  To smile and look at the camera. And dear Lord, they are anything but.  They are good.  They are sweet. They are beautiful.  They are my world. But newsflash: they are not, nor will they ever be perfect.  Nor will I.  But it's my job to try to be perfect, that is complete, in Christ.  And to inspire that desire and goal within my girls.

The truth is I won't always be a stay-at-home mom.  But for right now, for this season, this is what I was made for.  And I'm so thankful.  I'm thankful that I get to read them a story at nap time.  That I get too many hugs and kisses to count.  That I have the time to make yummy Pinterest dinners.  That we can afford for me to stay home.  That my kids spend more time with ME than with anyone else.  That I can whisper scripture to them throughout the day.  That I see their firsts and kiss their boo boos (and with Nadia, those boo boos are constant).  That I get to spend 30 minutes uploading apple picking pictures to Facebook (oh wait--I should've been doing laundry during that time.  Oops).  But seriously...It's hard.  But SO GOOD.  And I am the most grateful that God used my study homework (the homework I may be just a tad tired of) to speak to my heart.  And that He cares enough to meet me here.  And this is what I heard:


Stop trying to be perfect.  Instead focus on being whole in Me.  Stop wavering between two opinions. Instead, commit to the calling I've placed on your life.  Trust Me...that I know Best.

Okay, Lord.  Okay.

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8 comments

  1. So powerful! Beautifully written. Honest and humble as always. You are doing a wonderful job. When I struggle with where I am and think that I need more work time (therefore less time with my child), I try to remember that in this season, I work part time because this is what is right for our family. Money is always tempting, but it rarely adds anything positive to life. When we had two full-time incomes, things were slightly easier/less scary in low-times or when things go wrong, but they weren't better. In this season, I am made to work part-time and be with my son whenever I'm not working and that is beautiful. Thanks for writing this!

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    1. honest and humbe?! wow, I'm humbled. ;) That just might be my life goal from now on. Thanks for always commenting on the posts when I put myself out there! I appreciate it! And I love your comment about finances-- "easier" not necessarily "better." So true. I also try to remember working full time outside of the home would bring its own struggles for my family. And I'm 1000% sure I'd look wistfully at my SAHM friends during the hard times. Contentment is my life goal. This study is helping me grapple with that and hopefully will help me re-write my natural tendencies! Hugs friend!

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    2. I feel like you are talking to me as I am a Mom to two young daughters of my own and I too am a stay at home mom. This is great, to know that I'm not the only one .From "target" to " smile at the camera" . That's all me from A-Z. Trying to be perfect and make sure your girls get and enjoy every second .I truly sometimes get very overwhelm although I do love it all and wouldn't trade it for anything.

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    3. I'm glad I'm not alone! ha! I hope you are encouraged....and I just checked out your blog. WOW, that dish looks amazing! Pinned it! :)

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  2. Beautiful words and so timely in my life. After an incredibly trying month I finally had a breakdown this weekend. My husband and I went to talk with our bishop and tell him how frustrated we are. Sometimes it's just a feeling like we have to be everything to everyone and feeling very unqualified.
    With so many of our kids having issues, we expressed that it's overwhelming to try and be a neurologist, behavioral therapist, a shrink and whatever else. Our bishop reminded us that if we do the simple things: pray, family prayer and daily scripture study then God will make up the rest. But first we need to do the basics and just have faith that our efforts will be enough.
    Just wanted to let you know that your words inspired me today as I am very fortunate to have a family and children and God is refining me to be all that I can be.

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    1. I don't know why I never saw this! I'm so glad you were inspired. I know how crazy your life can be and I look at you and think you are one who totally are equipped for it! I'm sure it doesn't feel that way though!! What a good reminder to do the simple things. Thanks so much for reading and sharing! xo!

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  3. How can you be so beautiful inside and out! ~Amanda

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    1. How have I never seen this sweet and kind comment?! Thank you so much Amanda. ♥

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