10 Things Not to Say to Me During the Final Weeks of Pregnancy - Pretty Real

10 Things Not to Say to Me During the Final Weeks of Pregnancy

11:41 AM

So I've been warning my husband that I'm entering the "don't cross me" stage of pregnancy.  I can't be the only one who experiences these symptoms about 4 weeks out: irritability, sensitivity, extreme exhaustion or hunger causing me to lash out uncontrollably.... Tell me I'm not alone.  In that vein I thought it would be cathartic obnoxious fun to make a list of things I don't want to hear to share with the world. Because why not?  You've gotten plenty of inspirational posts here.  Plenty of scripture laden posts.  Plenty of encouraging posts.  Plenty of heartfelt posts.  I'm going to assume that allows me one snarky post. Am I right?  I hope so because here goes (oh and I should add that all of these statements have been said to me.  I didn't make any of them up.):

1. Your hands are going to be full!
No s$%t.  They're full now.  But thank you for stating the obvious.

2. I can't believe you're not due until September. 
I can't believe I have the self control not to trip you as you walk up to the buffet table.  

3. [After asking how I like the new minivan]: "Soccer mom! Soccer mom!" 
Okay I know it comes with the territory of purchasing a minivan but really?

4. Do you have a name?  
Ok, I realize this one is ridiculous.  Because it's pretty much the first question I ask when someone is expecting a baby and knows gender.  But for some reason it bugs me.  We do have a name but are not sharing.  Primarily because I've gotten some not so appreciated comments on some names I have shared.  And then there's the inevitable "Oh my best friend's son has that name." or "Oh, like [insert actor or character in movie here]"  or "Oh I know 5 of them." or "Oh did you know [insert negative fact I don't want to know about the name here]?"  And the problem is these most of these are perfectly normal things to say.  They just bug me.  Irrational?  perhaps?  But it's my list.  And this question is on it.

5. You're getting bigger! or anything similar. 
Yes, it's this strange phenomenon called growing a human inside of me.  The little human will get bigger and so will I.  

6. Are you getting an epidural?
Do I live in a 3rd world country? Will I receive an "epidural free delivery" trophy?  

7. 3 kids is brutal or You're going to be outnumbered!
Thank you kind person I just met.  I did not realize that raising children is difficult. I mean, I only have two perfect children who pretty much raise themselves.  I also didn't realize that 3 was more than 2.  I guess I really didn't think this through.

8. Just wait [fill in blank with some seriously depressing fact of life with kids here].
I try really hard not to be a "just wait" person.  Just wait till you're not a newlywed anymore! or Just wait till you have kids! or Just wait till your kids aren't perfect newborns! Or just wait till life sucks!  Because it's kind of rude.

9. Boys are so different.  
I've heard they have penises.  Wait, are there other differences?!!!

10. It's going to be (or is) really hard or a lot of work.
I suppose I could add this to number 7. Again, thank you for thinking of something negative to tell me during this exciting time in my life.  Since I don't have any kids I sort of thought it was all fun and games.  Oh wait, I DO have children...

And because I'm trying to be funny (mostly) but just sounding super sour, I'll add 5 things I've been told that I love and appreciate hearing!

1. Boys are so special! I can't wait for you to experience that special mommy/son bond!
2. You can do it! You'll adapt.
3. You look great/amazing/adorable.  (I mean I know this admission might make me vain but I'm only human.  I kind of like hearing nice things about myself). 
4. I can't wait to see what he looks like!
5. It's SO worth it.

In my best celebrity press release voice "I'm sorry if anything I said offended you." If it helps I did take the word "sadist" out.  Also, I've probably said some version of all of these things at some point during my grown up life. And if I said it to you, I'm sorry. I hope think at some point I'll come to my non-hormonal senses and realize people really do mean well.  

5 weeks to go! 

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  1. Nicole Vanderson-WallaceOctober 6, 2015 at 12:15 PM

    I absolutely love this post! I'm sure so many pregnant women can relate.

  2. Lol! LOVE this!! Thank you for saying what so many of us didn't have the gutts to!

    1. haha! funny enough so much of it seems like not a big deal reading it after the fact. It's all about those hormones! ;)

  3. Love this!!!! Kudos to you for posting it!!!!

  4. Love this!!!! Kudos to you for posting it!!!!

  5. I enjoyed reading this... Thank you for sharing!

  6. I enjoyed reading this... Thank you for sharing!

  7. This post is so perfect!!! I absolutely agree!!! When people would say "you're getting bigger" I'm like...um, yes, they say that's how this pregnancy thing is supposed to work! The unsolicited comments are the worst.